3 Month Post Surgery Update

On August 31, 2012, it will be 3 months since I had my life changing surgery.  I am finally feeling more like myself.  Since I last wrote I have met with the Oncologist and had a genetic test and the Oncotype Dx which is a test they run on the tumor they removed from my breast.  There is a scale from 0 - 100 and this test gives one an idea of how likely that I would have breast cancer recurrence.  My score was 17.  According to my Oncologist this was on the high end of low but he did not recommend chemotherapy.  He recommended hormone therapy.  I will take tamoxifen for 5 years.  I was so very thankful that I did not have to endure chemotherapy.  My oncologists told us that it used to be that if a person had cancer they would give chemotherapy to everyone.  They have done studies that show if a person did not really need chemo it could cause adverse reactions to the individual.  Also, the genetic testing results came back that I did not have to be concerned about my children or future grandchildren.  I was doing the happy dance for sure:)

I feel very blessed to have had help from family and friends during this difficult time.  I could not have done it without all of you.  I am grateful for our awesome Dixon United Methodist Church family.  Life is now feeling normal again for the most part.  I do feel that on the outside I look the same but this has,with out a doubt, been life changing for me.  My father used to say if you have good health you have everything, this statement couldn't be more true.

Thank you again for all your support!!!  Love you all!! xoxoxo

Process of Healing

28 June 2012 ~ marks 4 weeks since I had the big surgery.  Wow...part of that time seems like a haze and recently it seems to have slowed down.  When I first came home I couldn't get out of bed by myself but now I am getting my mojo back a bit but I am still on limited duty.  I am not supposed to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk and I am not able to push a vacuum cleaner.  So I have my little men help me out...hahaha.  I have them bring down the laundry and put it in the washing machine and we turn it on together.  The boys really have been good about this whole procedure.  And of course I could not do it all by myself cause I have my family and great friends who help us out. 


This week I had a minor set back because I had to go back in to the hospital and Dr. Gold had to reopen my new breast to drain some fluid out and cut out some dead tissue and put a drain in place.  It was a in and out procedure but I did have to be put to sleep and there is always that little part of me that is scared cause what if I don't wake up.  Silly I know but still a fear of mine.  Thankfully it all went well and hopefully my breast will heal in the manner it is supposed to. The drain hopefully will only have to stay in until next week. This makes the whole showering process a bit more challenging.  


I have been struggling a bit with this whole thing.  Feeling frustrated that this process is taking longer than expected.  I tell myself that I am one of the lucky ones because at this point they have gotten all the cancer.  I do have an appointment with an Oncologist in July and I should find out if I will need Chemo or not. I do believe that I will be taking Tamoxifen for 5 years.  


Someone told me that I would go through "Phases of Grief".  I think these can be applied to many life changing events in a person's life not just death. 

THE PHASES OF GRIEF

Many people refer to the "stages" or "phases" of grief. It may be helpful to be aware of these identified phases or common aspects of grief. It is also important to know there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You may go back and forth between phases, experience more than one at a time, or even skip one all together. All feelings are normal, even if they seem "crazy".

• Shock is the first stage of numbness, disbelief and unreality.
• Denial is thoughts or words such as, "I don't believe it -- It can't be!"
• Bargaining involves making promises such as, "I'll be so good if only I can awaken to find this hasn't happened" or "I'll do all the right things if only..."
• Guilt is a hard stage and difficult to deal with alone. This is a normal feeling characterized by statements such as, "If only I had ... If only I had not..." done or said or thought something. Guilt may ultimately be resolved by understanding that all of us are human beings who give the best and worst of ourselves to others. What they do with what we give is their responsibility.
• Anger is another very difficult phase, but it may seem necessary in order to face reality and get beyond the loss. We all must heal in our own way and anger is a normal stage along the way. However, you may feel guilty because you are angry at the person who died or because your life is continuing while his or hers is not. If you don't feel anger, don't manufacture it!
• Depression may come and go and be different each time in length and/or intensity. Give yourself time to heal.
• Resignation means you finally believe the reality of the death.
• Acceptance and Hope come when you finally understand that you will never be the same, but you can go on to have meaning and purpose in your life.

For the most part I try to laugh and joke about things but I have and still do experience some of the feelings listed above. There are times that I really don't feel like laughing or joking but I do know I am definitely one of the lucky ones.  I am certain that God must have a plan for me and maybe it will take awhile to figure out what that is.  Maybe it is that I am supposed to feel grateful for being alive and to not take my family for granted.  Don't sweat the small stuff cause in the end it really doesn't matter.  One of my wishes is when I am healed from all of this that I can pay it forward to other people.  

 

31 May 2012 My surgery

I am finally feeling good enough to write about my surgery....woo wee.

On Thursday, 31 May 2012 I arrived at David Grant Medical Center at 6:00 am.  My last bite to eat was about 9:15 pm the night before.  I was pretty nervous for the events that were about to take place but I was carrying on no matter what.  In my mind there was no backing out even though I had been informed that I could change my mind at any second.  The team of Medical Techs and Anesthesiologist began their regimen. Got me all hooked up with I.V. and they now have this new pill you can take before surgery that will help with the nausea, I think it is called Emend.  The Anesthesiologist then came to let me know that Dr. Gold's patients do well with the push button pain management in the I.V. so they were not going to give me the epidural.  Dr. Gold then came to visit and he had to actually write on my body from the top of my neck down to my pubic bone and underneath my breast.  X marks the spot I guess.  He also took some more pictures of my breast. I was informed that Dr. Gold, Plastic Surgeon was going to begin his work before Dr. Jones because his work was to take the longest.  And a few minutes later they came and gave me the shot in my I.V. that makes you feel drunk and they wheeled me into the operating room.  I remember bright lights and then off to dream land I went.

When I awoke I was in the Intensive Care Unit and Eric and my mom and Dr. Gold were there.  I was in an incredible amount of pain and I was pretty disoriented.  Dr. Gold informed me that I had an allergic reaction to a antibiotic they had given me and they had to stop everything until they were able to stop the reaction and change the medicine.  The surgery ended up taking 4 hours longer then expected.  I was pretty out of it until  Sunday.  Sunday is the day they moved me from ICU to a regular room. At this point they had me get out of bed to use the rest room and they had me walk a bit in the hallway. Also they were beginning to put me on a pill regimen so that I could prepare to go home.

I have been home for 11 days now and this has been the first whole day that I have not spent laying down. I did chat with a friend today and told her that even though this surgery was incredibly painful I am very happy with the results and feel I am really glad I had the TRAM  Flap option available to me.  I would do it again.  Going into the surgery I was feeling a bit sad that they were going to remove my breast but when I awoke I had a new breast that was reconstructed using my own skin. Dr. Gold did an amazing job. I hope I am able to pay if forward to other women with breast cancer who may be interested in this procedure.

I am super grateful to my mom and husband for taking such good care of me and the boys.  I still have some healing to do but so far so good:)  Thank you to everyone who has called, dropped by to visit, sent cards, sent gifts, flowers, prepared meals!!! Your thoughtfulness and kindness are greatly appreciated. Love Lisa 

Preparing for Surgery

Ahhh, so we took a quick trip to Disneyland with the boys so we could have a bit of fun before the long journey of Breast Reconstruction begins.  It was a great trip but just like all things had to come to an end.  Kids went back to school, Eric back to work and I had two meeting with my Dr. McHotties this morning.  I had to sign the surgical waivers for both Dr. Jones(General Surgeon) and Dr. Gold (Plastic Surgeon). Kristen my Breast Cancer Consultant was right by my side and she has asked me several times if I feel better now that I have made my decision? I feel like the Little Caboose thinking, I think I am, I think I am, I think I am but inside I feel full of anxiety and fear. I would like to believe that my faith is in God but there is that part of me that would like a sign.

And this is when I got a sign!!

I had one appt at 9:30 and it went pretty quickly because basically Dr. Jones portion of the surgery is removing my breast which will take approx 30 - 40 min.  The rest of the 6 hours will be the work of Dr. Gold.  I had about 45 minutes to kill before my next meeting and then Kristen appeared to tell me that there was a patient of Dr. Gold's who just completed all of her reconstructive surgeries with Dr. Gold (I'll call her Roberta.) Roberta was willing to meet with me and let me ask her questions.  Roberta had one breast removed and she opted for the TRAM Flap reconstruction.  Roberta actually waited with me and then came back to the exam room so that I could actually see Dr. Gold's work. I was really excited about this chance meeting. Dr. Gold began Roberta's reconstruction in Dec 2010 and it was completed Feb 2012.  Her new breast looks amazing!!  I am so happy I was able to see this in person and to hear so much praise from her regarding Dr. Gold.  Roberta told me that the first surgery is pretty tough but that she would do it all again.  In total Roberta  had 5 surgeries because she opted to have her nipple reconstructed using her thigh tissue.  I have not made any decisions yet about what I will do with my nipple reconstruction.  I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Dear Baby Jesus,
Thank you for today!!
Love Lisa

Birthday

Happy to celebrate another Birthday.   A friend had posted this song from Melissa Etheridge .  I did not know she was a breast cancer survivor but I really like this song:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vigIVXDmHdI&feature=share

Thanks Katie

Plastic Surgery Consult

It has been a bit since my last blog and I felt the urge to write about my recent meeting with the plastic surgeon. Eric and I met with Dr. Gold who informed me of my options for reconstructive surgery. My 3 options are:

1. Remove breast and wait to have reconstructive surgery.
2. Remove breast and insert spacers for silicone or saline implants
3. Remove breast and use my own tissue/muscle to rebuild my breast.

After thoroughly examining me he did inform me that I am a candidate for the TRAM Flap Reconstruction. This  is a procedure where they use my tissue from my stomach to rebuild my breast (they can also use tissue from the back, thigh, buttocks.)

http://www.mayoclinic.org/breast-cancer/tramsurgery.html

I was pleased to hear that I am a candidate for this procedure.  If I chose to have implants they would have to be redone approximately every 10 years.  If I use my own tissue than I will not have to readdress the issue after the breast reconstruction is complete.  

As with every choice there is pros/cons with each decision.  The entire reconstruction is a 9 - 12 month process.  Dr. Gold likened it to having a baby.  

My surgery is scheduled for 31 May 2012.  The general surgeon, Dr. Jones, who performed my lumpectomy will remove my breast and Dr. Gold, the plastic surgeon will begin my plastic surgery. I will be in the hospital for 4 days as long as everything goes as planned.  

I pray every day that I am making the right decision. Thankfully Eric is supportive of my choice.

Post-Op Good News & Bad News

2 May 2012 ~ I had my post-op appointment for the lumpectomy procedure that was done on 20 April 2012.  I felt my scars were healing well and that I am now able to lift my arm and mostly carry on a regular day. We were hoping that the Doctor would have some results since we hadn't heard anything since the lumpectomy. I was not really prepared for the results we received.  Dr. Jones came in and began with,"I have good news and I have bad news." Well.......Blrgggggggg!!  He says, "I took 9 lymph nodes from under your arm and tested them all for cancer and they did not come up positive. This is excellent news because if the cancer was in the lymph nodes then the cancer can easily spread throughout your entire body.  The bad news is the lumpectomy specimen with the margins I removed came back positive for more cancer.  I did not remove enough margins around the cancer.  It appears there is more cancer in your breast that will need to be removed."  Oh boy, it felt like the first day they told me I had breast cancer.  All of a sudden I hear the word cancer and my heart is racing and I can't seem to process what Dr. Jones and Kristen are saying.  I immediately ask Eric to start writing down everything because my mind has just gone to mush.

Okay, I tell myself to take a few breaths and then begin with some questions for Dr. Jones.  Due to the kindness of many family and friends I am loaded with Cancer information.  Dr. Jones says, "You have a few options.  I go back in to remove more margins from the breast area and we test the specimen and then carry on with radiation treatment, assuming he gets all the cancer the second time.  Or I have the option of a mastectomy." Truthfully before I had received this information I had already discussed with Eric that if the lumpectomy came back with not good margins that I was going to opt for a mastectomy.  We all know that making decisions on a hypothetical is so much easier then when one is really faced with having to make a decision when we are in the thick of it. I mean all of sudden I thought, oh my gosh my breast...MY BREAST!!!   Of course making this decision is really all my decision because what people choose to do in regards to their health is very personal.  I then asked Dr Jones, "If I was your wife sitting here, what would you recommend she do?" At first he was hesitant because he did not want to make the choice for me and I understand but I said, "I am not asking you to tell me what to do, but I am asking you, if hypothetically I was your wife sitting here what would you recommend." He said a mastectomy.

Since we had a lot of information to process and discuss, Eric and I asked for some time to make a decision.  I do have an appointment with a plastic surgeon next Tuesday.  If I am going with the mastectomy(which I am leaning toward) they will remove my breast and begin reconstructive surgery at the same time. I feel like I need to just stomp this cancer out.  I figure if the bad breast is gone there is no place for the cancer to grow back.  I have 3 young boys and I can't afford to mess around with this stuff.