3 Month Post Surgery Update

On August 31, 2012, it will be 3 months since I had my life changing surgery.  I am finally feeling more like myself.  Since I last wrote I have met with the Oncologist and had a genetic test and the Oncotype Dx which is a test they run on the tumor they removed from my breast.  There is a scale from 0 - 100 and this test gives one an idea of how likely that I would have breast cancer recurrence.  My score was 17.  According to my Oncologist this was on the high end of low but he did not recommend chemotherapy.  He recommended hormone therapy.  I will take tamoxifen for 5 years.  I was so very thankful that I did not have to endure chemotherapy.  My oncologists told us that it used to be that if a person had cancer they would give chemotherapy to everyone.  They have done studies that show if a person did not really need chemo it could cause adverse reactions to the individual.  Also, the genetic testing results came back that I did not have to be concerned about my children or future grandchildren.  I was doing the happy dance for sure:)

I feel very blessed to have had help from family and friends during this difficult time.  I could not have done it without all of you.  I am grateful for our awesome Dixon United Methodist Church family.  Life is now feeling normal again for the most part.  I do feel that on the outside I look the same but this has,with out a doubt, been life changing for me.  My father used to say if you have good health you have everything, this statement couldn't be more true.

Thank you again for all your support!!!  Love you all!! xoxoxo

Process of Healing

28 June 2012 ~ marks 4 weeks since I had the big surgery.  Wow...part of that time seems like a haze and recently it seems to have slowed down.  When I first came home I couldn't get out of bed by myself but now I am getting my mojo back a bit but I am still on limited duty.  I am not supposed to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk and I am not able to push a vacuum cleaner.  So I have my little men help me out...hahaha.  I have them bring down the laundry and put it in the washing machine and we turn it on together.  The boys really have been good about this whole procedure.  And of course I could not do it all by myself cause I have my family and great friends who help us out. 


This week I had a minor set back because I had to go back in to the hospital and Dr. Gold had to reopen my new breast to drain some fluid out and cut out some dead tissue and put a drain in place.  It was a in and out procedure but I did have to be put to sleep and there is always that little part of me that is scared cause what if I don't wake up.  Silly I know but still a fear of mine.  Thankfully it all went well and hopefully my breast will heal in the manner it is supposed to. The drain hopefully will only have to stay in until next week. This makes the whole showering process a bit more challenging.  


I have been struggling a bit with this whole thing.  Feeling frustrated that this process is taking longer than expected.  I tell myself that I am one of the lucky ones because at this point they have gotten all the cancer.  I do have an appointment with an Oncologist in July and I should find out if I will need Chemo or not. I do believe that I will be taking Tamoxifen for 5 years.  


Someone told me that I would go through "Phases of Grief".  I think these can be applied to many life changing events in a person's life not just death. 

THE PHASES OF GRIEF

Many people refer to the "stages" or "phases" of grief. It may be helpful to be aware of these identified phases or common aspects of grief. It is also important to know there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You may go back and forth between phases, experience more than one at a time, or even skip one all together. All feelings are normal, even if they seem "crazy".

• Shock is the first stage of numbness, disbelief and unreality.
• Denial is thoughts or words such as, "I don't believe it -- It can't be!"
• Bargaining involves making promises such as, "I'll be so good if only I can awaken to find this hasn't happened" or "I'll do all the right things if only..."
• Guilt is a hard stage and difficult to deal with alone. This is a normal feeling characterized by statements such as, "If only I had ... If only I had not..." done or said or thought something. Guilt may ultimately be resolved by understanding that all of us are human beings who give the best and worst of ourselves to others. What they do with what we give is their responsibility.
• Anger is another very difficult phase, but it may seem necessary in order to face reality and get beyond the loss. We all must heal in our own way and anger is a normal stage along the way. However, you may feel guilty because you are angry at the person who died or because your life is continuing while his or hers is not. If you don't feel anger, don't manufacture it!
• Depression may come and go and be different each time in length and/or intensity. Give yourself time to heal.
• Resignation means you finally believe the reality of the death.
• Acceptance and Hope come when you finally understand that you will never be the same, but you can go on to have meaning and purpose in your life.

For the most part I try to laugh and joke about things but I have and still do experience some of the feelings listed above. There are times that I really don't feel like laughing or joking but I do know I am definitely one of the lucky ones.  I am certain that God must have a plan for me and maybe it will take awhile to figure out what that is.  Maybe it is that I am supposed to feel grateful for being alive and to not take my family for granted.  Don't sweat the small stuff cause in the end it really doesn't matter.  One of my wishes is when I am healed from all of this that I can pay it forward to other people.  

 

31 May 2012 My surgery

I am finally feeling good enough to write about my surgery....woo wee.

On Thursday, 31 May 2012 I arrived at David Grant Medical Center at 6:00 am.  My last bite to eat was about 9:15 pm the night before.  I was pretty nervous for the events that were about to take place but I was carrying on no matter what.  In my mind there was no backing out even though I had been informed that I could change my mind at any second.  The team of Medical Techs and Anesthesiologist began their regimen. Got me all hooked up with I.V. and they now have this new pill you can take before surgery that will help with the nausea, I think it is called Emend.  The Anesthesiologist then came to let me know that Dr. Gold's patients do well with the push button pain management in the I.V. so they were not going to give me the epidural.  Dr. Gold then came to visit and he had to actually write on my body from the top of my neck down to my pubic bone and underneath my breast.  X marks the spot I guess.  He also took some more pictures of my breast. I was informed that Dr. Gold, Plastic Surgeon was going to begin his work before Dr. Jones because his work was to take the longest.  And a few minutes later they came and gave me the shot in my I.V. that makes you feel drunk and they wheeled me into the operating room.  I remember bright lights and then off to dream land I went.

When I awoke I was in the Intensive Care Unit and Eric and my mom and Dr. Gold were there.  I was in an incredible amount of pain and I was pretty disoriented.  Dr. Gold informed me that I had an allergic reaction to a antibiotic they had given me and they had to stop everything until they were able to stop the reaction and change the medicine.  The surgery ended up taking 4 hours longer then expected.  I was pretty out of it until  Sunday.  Sunday is the day they moved me from ICU to a regular room. At this point they had me get out of bed to use the rest room and they had me walk a bit in the hallway. Also they were beginning to put me on a pill regimen so that I could prepare to go home.

I have been home for 11 days now and this has been the first whole day that I have not spent laying down. I did chat with a friend today and told her that even though this surgery was incredibly painful I am very happy with the results and feel I am really glad I had the TRAM  Flap option available to me.  I would do it again.  Going into the surgery I was feeling a bit sad that they were going to remove my breast but when I awoke I had a new breast that was reconstructed using my own skin. Dr. Gold did an amazing job. I hope I am able to pay if forward to other women with breast cancer who may be interested in this procedure.

I am super grateful to my mom and husband for taking such good care of me and the boys.  I still have some healing to do but so far so good:)  Thank you to everyone who has called, dropped by to visit, sent cards, sent gifts, flowers, prepared meals!!! Your thoughtfulness and kindness are greatly appreciated. Love Lisa 

Preparing for Surgery

Ahhh, so we took a quick trip to Disneyland with the boys so we could have a bit of fun before the long journey of Breast Reconstruction begins.  It was a great trip but just like all things had to come to an end.  Kids went back to school, Eric back to work and I had two meeting with my Dr. McHotties this morning.  I had to sign the surgical waivers for both Dr. Jones(General Surgeon) and Dr. Gold (Plastic Surgeon). Kristen my Breast Cancer Consultant was right by my side and she has asked me several times if I feel better now that I have made my decision? I feel like the Little Caboose thinking, I think I am, I think I am, I think I am but inside I feel full of anxiety and fear. I would like to believe that my faith is in God but there is that part of me that would like a sign.

And this is when I got a sign!!

I had one appt at 9:30 and it went pretty quickly because basically Dr. Jones portion of the surgery is removing my breast which will take approx 30 - 40 min.  The rest of the 6 hours will be the work of Dr. Gold.  I had about 45 minutes to kill before my next meeting and then Kristen appeared to tell me that there was a patient of Dr. Gold's who just completed all of her reconstructive surgeries with Dr. Gold (I'll call her Roberta.) Roberta was willing to meet with me and let me ask her questions.  Roberta had one breast removed and she opted for the TRAM Flap reconstruction.  Roberta actually waited with me and then came back to the exam room so that I could actually see Dr. Gold's work. I was really excited about this chance meeting. Dr. Gold began Roberta's reconstruction in Dec 2010 and it was completed Feb 2012.  Her new breast looks amazing!!  I am so happy I was able to see this in person and to hear so much praise from her regarding Dr. Gold.  Roberta told me that the first surgery is pretty tough but that she would do it all again.  In total Roberta  had 5 surgeries because she opted to have her nipple reconstructed using her thigh tissue.  I have not made any decisions yet about what I will do with my nipple reconstruction.  I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Dear Baby Jesus,
Thank you for today!!
Love Lisa

Birthday

Happy to celebrate another Birthday.   A friend had posted this song from Melissa Etheridge .  I did not know she was a breast cancer survivor but I really like this song:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vigIVXDmHdI&feature=share

Thanks Katie

Plastic Surgery Consult

It has been a bit since my last blog and I felt the urge to write about my recent meeting with the plastic surgeon. Eric and I met with Dr. Gold who informed me of my options for reconstructive surgery. My 3 options are:

1. Remove breast and wait to have reconstructive surgery.
2. Remove breast and insert spacers for silicone or saline implants
3. Remove breast and use my own tissue/muscle to rebuild my breast.

After thoroughly examining me he did inform me that I am a candidate for the TRAM Flap Reconstruction. This  is a procedure where they use my tissue from my stomach to rebuild my breast (they can also use tissue from the back, thigh, buttocks.)

http://www.mayoclinic.org/breast-cancer/tramsurgery.html

I was pleased to hear that I am a candidate for this procedure.  If I chose to have implants they would have to be redone approximately every 10 years.  If I use my own tissue than I will not have to readdress the issue after the breast reconstruction is complete.  

As with every choice there is pros/cons with each decision.  The entire reconstruction is a 9 - 12 month process.  Dr. Gold likened it to having a baby.  

My surgery is scheduled for 31 May 2012.  The general surgeon, Dr. Jones, who performed my lumpectomy will remove my breast and Dr. Gold, the plastic surgeon will begin my plastic surgery. I will be in the hospital for 4 days as long as everything goes as planned.  

I pray every day that I am making the right decision. Thankfully Eric is supportive of my choice.

Post-Op Good News & Bad News

2 May 2012 ~ I had my post-op appointment for the lumpectomy procedure that was done on 20 April 2012.  I felt my scars were healing well and that I am now able to lift my arm and mostly carry on a regular day. We were hoping that the Doctor would have some results since we hadn't heard anything since the lumpectomy. I was not really prepared for the results we received.  Dr. Jones came in and began with,"I have good news and I have bad news." Well.......Blrgggggggg!!  He says, "I took 9 lymph nodes from under your arm and tested them all for cancer and they did not come up positive. This is excellent news because if the cancer was in the lymph nodes then the cancer can easily spread throughout your entire body.  The bad news is the lumpectomy specimen with the margins I removed came back positive for more cancer.  I did not remove enough margins around the cancer.  It appears there is more cancer in your breast that will need to be removed."  Oh boy, it felt like the first day they told me I had breast cancer.  All of a sudden I hear the word cancer and my heart is racing and I can't seem to process what Dr. Jones and Kristen are saying.  I immediately ask Eric to start writing down everything because my mind has just gone to mush.

Okay, I tell myself to take a few breaths and then begin with some questions for Dr. Jones.  Due to the kindness of many family and friends I am loaded with Cancer information.  Dr. Jones says, "You have a few options.  I go back in to remove more margins from the breast area and we test the specimen and then carry on with radiation treatment, assuming he gets all the cancer the second time.  Or I have the option of a mastectomy." Truthfully before I had received this information I had already discussed with Eric that if the lumpectomy came back with not good margins that I was going to opt for a mastectomy.  We all know that making decisions on a hypothetical is so much easier then when one is really faced with having to make a decision when we are in the thick of it. I mean all of sudden I thought, oh my gosh my breast...MY BREAST!!!   Of course making this decision is really all my decision because what people choose to do in regards to their health is very personal.  I then asked Dr Jones, "If I was your wife sitting here, what would you recommend she do?" At first he was hesitant because he did not want to make the choice for me and I understand but I said, "I am not asking you to tell me what to do, but I am asking you, if hypothetically I was your wife sitting here what would you recommend." He said a mastectomy.

Since we had a lot of information to process and discuss, Eric and I asked for some time to make a decision.  I do have an appointment with a plastic surgeon next Tuesday.  If I am going with the mastectomy(which I am leaning toward) they will remove my breast and begin reconstructive surgery at the same time. I feel like I need to just stomp this cancer out.  I figure if the bad breast is gone there is no place for the cancer to grow back.  I have 3 young boys and I can't afford to mess around with this stuff.

A Week After Surgery

I had a lumpectomy and lymph node biopsy a week ago, 20 April 2012.  The surgeon removed the cancer mass and 4 lymph nodes from underneath my arm. The surgeon was pretty sure that he removed enough margins around the cancer to be safe.  They still have to biopsy to be sure they removed enough skin around the cancer. We should know the results in about 10 days, basically "don't call us, we will call you." I have a post-op meeting on Wednesday, May 2nd. Praying for Good News!!

The first two days after the surgery I was in a lot of pain.  It felt like someone had stuck a hot poker into my breast and underarm area, OW!!  They gave me some really good narcotics for the pain and medicine for upset stomach.  The meds took away the pain but gave me an awful headache.  Thankfully I am down to taking Motrin for the pain. For those that don't know, the cancer was is in the right breast and I am right handed.  This has been really challenging having to navigate with my left arm and hand.  Eric and I are super grateful for having Grammy and Grandma(his mom and my mom) here to help out.  As you could imagine, after Eric being gone to Iraq for almost a year and then returning home with this stressful situation on our hands has also been very challenging.

Thank you to everyone that has made meals, sent cards, gifts of love, called and stopped bye to check on us. We are very blessed to have such loving family and friends.  Big Hugs and Kisses to you all!!!! xoxo

Thank you Grammy J and Nan

So grateful to have our moms here to watch the boys while Eric and I were able to go off on our own.  We had a wonderful time.  I did not really think much about the procedure that is ahead of me on Friday.  This entire situation still feels surreal.  Now time for some deep breathing exercises.

Thank you Grammy J and Nan for being her for me, Eric, and the 3 C's.

Random 13 April 2012

I have many random thoughts regarding this whole situation.  I feel good about the surgeon and his feeling towards my choice of treatment.  I feel like I am getting ready to give birth and I am in a nesting phase.  I have a long list of things I want to get done before they perform this procedure and I am out of commission for a bit. I feel it will be like coming home with a new born but I have to just take care of myself while family and friends help Eric with the 3 C's. As my Breast Cancer Counselor said,  "Cancer is an inconvenience." Thank goodness for modern medicine. Going with a positive side that there will be no cancer in the lymph nodes it will take about 6 months out of my life.

Eric's mom will be arriving tomorrow to help us out as well. Sweet!! Mom's ROCK!

I have a long "Honey Do" list:  Charlie's field trip(ck), Garage Sale, Baseball Games, Hanging out with our friends, Charlie's Birthday, pre-op appt, two day alone time with my hubby(yippee), Haiti Dinner(sweet no cooking), Choir and then Surgery(long rest). As my girlfriend Laura (Breast Cancer Survivor) said, "When you have young children to take care of they don't really understand when you are not feeling well, they just need taking care of."  I don't have time for this "C business."

Surgical Consult - 12 April 2012

Today I had my surgical consult at David Grant Medical Center with Dr. Jones.  This would be the third time I had my diagnosis explained to me.  I think it is good that they repeat it over and over because truthfully the first time that it was explained to me I was still in what I call "shock processing mode." Then I took all the information that they gave to me home and began reading up on the subject. Here are the two types of Cancer they diagnosed me with:

Invasive (or infiltrating) ductal carcinoma

This is the most common type of breast cancer. Invasive (or infiltrating) ductal carcinoma (IDC) starts in a milk passage (duct) of the breast, breaks through the wall of the duct, and grows into the fatty tissue of the breast. At this point, it may be able to spread (metastasize) to other parts of the body through the lymphatic system and bloodstream. About 8 of 10 invasive breast cancers are infiltrating ductal carcinomas.

Ductal carcinoma in situ

Ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS; also known as intraductal carcinoma) is the most common type of non-invasive breast cancer. DCIS means that the cancer cells are inside the ducts but have not spread through the walls of the ducts into the surrounding breast tissue.

About 1 in 5 new breast cancer cases will be DCIS. Nearly all women diagnosed at this early stage of breast cancer can be cured. A mammogram is often the best way to find DCIS early.I

When DCIS is diagnosed, the pathologist (a doctor specializing in diagnosing disease from tissue samples) will look for areas of dead or dying cancer cells, called tumor necrosis, within the tissue sample. If necrosis is present, the tumor is likely to be more aggressive. The term comedocarcinoma is often used to describe DCIS with necrosis.

Dr. Jones began by telling me my options:

1) I could choose to do nothing and there is an 85% chance the cancer would spread and could lead to death.

2) Conservative course of treatment which is a lumpectomy and lymph node biopsy.  They will remove the lump and take out at least 3 nodes under my armpit to biopsy them.  This will be followed with 6 weeks of daily radiation treatment and possible chemo depending on what is discovered with the lymph node biopsy.

3) I could choose to have a mastectomy followed by chemotherapy. 

Option number 1 was not an option for me.  Dr. Jones recommended option number 2.  Eric and I had already discussed what we thought I should do and we agreed with Dr. Jones that conservative treatment  would be the course of action best at this time.  I have a lumpectomy and lymph node biopsy scheduled for Friday, 20 April 2012.

Happy Easter ~ April 8, 2012

This has been an awesome Easter.  My husband, mom, brother and sister in-law here celebrating the holiday with us is so nice.  I am still feeling over overwhelmed with the show of love and concern for me and my family.  I have been so happy that I almost forgot the reason my family dropped everything to fly out here to be with me.  That dang C word~Cancer.

The upcoming week I have an appointment with Kristen my breast cancer consultant and a surgical appointment.  I keep telling myself that it is the waiting and the unknown that is scarier than actually knowing what is going on.  I have been told by several people that the waiting is the worst part.  I received a care package from a dear friend the other day.  She also sent me a book:

The forward to this book is written by Sheryl Crow.  Reading her forward made me feel normal.  This book is filled with stories from women who have battled cancer.  I look forward to reading the entire book.

MRI - 3 April 2012

MRI Machine...Technology is amazing.

I am pretty sure now that after having the MRI it was the anticipation of the unknown that caused me to feel anxious.  The doctor issued me some Ativan to calm my nerves since I was feeling a bit claustraphobic.  Funny thing is they told me to take the pill after I check into the MRI clinic.  I thought to myself at the time, hmmm 10 minutes is that really enough time to work?  Next thing ya know here comes the MRI tech telling me I am up.  Well no time to be concerned about ativan working I just wanted to get it over with, so here we go.

The tech takes me back to get gowned up and then gives me an IV because during the MRI they will inject a contrast dye. They give you ear plugs because the machine is very loud.  Yeah for ear plugs because it was pretty loud with the ear plugs in.  They had me lie face down with my head on a pillow and my arm out so they can inject the contrast for the second part of the test.  I closed my eyes and then they moved me into the tube.  I decided to take a peek and since I could see light outside the tunnel that made me feel better.  The tech told me not to move at all during the scan because it will mess up the pictures.  So half way through the test my nose starts to itch, lol.  It is amazing what mind over matter can do.  I had to will myself not to move to itch my nose and the itch faded.  The entire scan took about 45 minutes.   I will not know the results until I have the surgical consult next week. So now we wait some more but at least I have Eric and Fred and Nicole here to wait with me.  Oh boy I am so happy they are here with me.  And each day I am overwhelmed with friends and family sending love and prayers.  I am very blessed.

Daddy comes home!!!

2 April 2012 ~ Can't wait until Eric gets home.  Feels like the longest day ever.  He finally makes it at 6:45 pm at Sac Int'l Airport.  Our friends Janna, Katie and Johanna come to the airport to take pictures of his return.  Nothing like capturing true love on camera:)  

1 April 2012 Palm Sunday

1 April 2012 - Palm Sunday was awesome.  The DUMC Choir sang beautifully.  Again I am overwhelmed with prayers and concern from everyone.  We are Blessed! Eagerly awaiting the return of my husband and best friend.

A friend suggested a journal each day to help cope with my breast cancer diagnosis.  I thought a blog would help me and allow my family and friends to keep up with what is and will be happening with myself and my family during this next year. 
About a month ago I received a routine call from my Doctor telling me I needed to have a baseline mammogram since I was 43 and had not yet had one.  I made the appt and went in had the mammogram and was on my way. About 2 weeks later the Women's Clinic called me and told me I would need to return for another mammogram because they saw something in my right breast.  They told me not to worry that this was very normal.  My girlfriends assured me this happens all the time. On 22 March 2012, I returned to the mammography dept for a second mammogram.  The doctor informed me that an ultrasound needed to be done to take a better look.  During the ultrasound he found an odd mass and recommended a punch biopsy be done immediately.  He said let's do it today.  I can assure the women readers that a punch biopsy is something that you do want to be well numbed up for, yeah for lidocaine.  They took 4 samples.  At this point I became a bit concerned but my friends assured me this is normal procedure.

On 29 March 2012, a week  later the doctor called to inform me that they found Invasive Low Grade Ductal Carcinoma and Intermediate Grade Ductal Carcinoma in SITU. Woa....Cancer. All I heard was they found cancer growth.  The doctor was then giving me lists of names and numbers and telling me I would receive several phone calls for further appts.  I was in shock.  I wanted my husband.  I immediately Skyped him(thank goodness for technology).  So unfortunately I had to tell him this news via Skype but the good news is Dr. Allen said they would get Eric home immediately so he can be here to help me with our children and my treatment. This was excellent news. I am also super grateful that we belong to Dixon United Methodist Church.  God certainly knew what he was doing when we decided to make Dixon, CA our home. 

On 30 March 2012, I had a meeting with Kristin Summerfelt, Breast Cancer Care Coordinator, who will be my care coordinator throughout this entire ordeal.  Thankfully my friend from church, Johanna, who is a breast cancer survivor, said she would go with me to my meeting so she could be my second set of ears because they most definitly give you a lot of information in a 2 hour period.  I am also grateful that it just so happens that the head nurse of Oncology at David Grant Med Center also goes to church with us and we sing in choir together.  Michelle sat in on my meeting with us as well. I feel I am in very good hands.

The first thing they told me was that if you are going to get cancer breast cancer is the best kind because it is very treatable and since they are catching it early I have a 88%- 95% chance of survival.  Shew...good news.  Kristin then discussed my pathology report with me.  At this point they are calling it Stage 1 Clinical Cancer, however they really need to perfrom MRI and lumpectomy to get a better diagnosis.  So for the time being course of action will be MRI, Lumpectomy and 6 weeks of daily radiation.  Depending on what the surgeon discovers will decide on whether or not I will need chemotherapy and/or mastectomy.  Let's hope for best case scenario:0) Kristen gave me a form from The American Cancer Society and told me to fill it out because I am going to be a "Cancer Survivor."  Dang right I am going to be a Cancer Survivor, I have 3 young boys, there is not another option.

31 March 2012, currently Eric is on a flight home and should be here within 2 days (Sweet)!  Thankfully my mom will  be here Tuesday, I am so happy.  Even when you are over 40 you want your mom in a time of crises. My sister in-law and brother are coming out to see me(wow, all this cause of cancer.)  I am overwhelmed with love and kindness from my friends and family.  God is good! Kristen told me to make short term and long term goals. My number one goal is to get rid of this cancer and hope it never returns.  I still gotta a lot of stuff to do.  Thank goodness I inhereted my grandmother's spirit.  I think my scense of humor, strong husband, family and friends will get me through this.